The Wishy-Washy is Driving Me CrazyPosted: December 19, 2008
As the oldest of 4 children, I have been in the “in charge” position by default most of my life. It’s not something I particularly seek out, or like, but it seems to find me, and when something needs to be done, and there’s a bunch of people sitting around saying, “Gosh, that needs to be done” but not doing anything, it bugs the SHIT out of me, so I either 1) end up doing the damn thing, or 2) start organizing everyone else to get the thing done; hence, end up being labeled “bossy” or “too direct” or “too strong of a personality” or whateverthehell else. I mean, I have actually not been hired for jobs because my “personality was too strong”, so yeah, I guess I can be overbearing, even though I think I’m pretty darn easygoing and laid back.
Recently, or maybe it’s been like this all along, and my tolerance quota is full, I have been noticing that for some reason when G. and I want to do something, neither of us seems to be able to make a decision. Example:
“Have you thought about dinner?”
“Not really, do you want anything in particular?”
“No, would you like Mexican food?”
“If you would….” and so it goes. I feel like I’m trapped in an exchange between Bette and Tina! ARRRGGGGHHHH!
That’s just one instance, but it seems like this is going on all the time, for anything that we need to do. I’m just as bad, because the in the above example, either one of us could have said any of the comments.
Maybe this is sort of an “over-courteousness” in trying to take the other person’s wants or desires into consideration, but sometimes I just want to scream, “For God’s sake make a decision, already!” Because most of the time, I REALLY don’t care. I’m not a picky eater. Personally, I could eat Chinese food every day. I LOVE Chinese food, and I would go eat Chinese any time we went out and be happy. But G is not such a fan of Chinese. She likes some of it, but not the way I do, so I am not going to push eating Chinese on her every time we go out. I love pretty much anything–pizza, Mexica, BBQ, home-style, Sonic, whatever. So, when I say, “I don’t care where we eat” I MEAN it–YOU decide. We spend more time trying to decide stuff like this than we do doing it. It’s not just about going out to eat, that’s just an easy example. But these days, it seems like we do this dance around EVERYTHING and it’s getting to be a real drag.
This is where my “oldest child” will take over and start being REAL bossy, and I don’t want to do that. I don’t want her to ever feel like I’m pushing her around or trying to be “in charge” because that’s not the kind of relationship we have.
I just don’t know when this “phase” got started and I’m trying like hell to figure out how to get past it.
Now, to totally change the subject, (only not really) my 30th college reunion is coming up and I have this completely LOVELY group of friends from those days. We have stayed close and visited and been there for each other, and helped each other though lots of stuff in the last 3o years. I love these women dearly. But, I gotta tell you, I am seriously thinking of not going to this reunion because I KNOW what a cluster fuck getting a damn hotel lined up is going to be.
Most of us are pretty straightforward and if someone says, Hey, let’s just stay here, the rest say, Ok, fine. But there is ONE (isn’t there always ONE?) who always, ALWAYS, says something like, oh, no, that place is too BLANK or not enough BLANK, or I need to be picked up from the airport and that’s too far, etc. etc. blah, blah blah.
I don’t even want to deal with it. I’d rather stay home then subject myself to all that hoo ha right now. It’s just more of the same of what I’ve been talking about. I would say that I’d take on the task of making the room arrangements, but I did that once and never again.
However, since I’m the class President, I suppose I have to make an appearance. And if worse comes to worst, I can always stay with my sister and just drive back and forth to the college. Even though that would be a hassle, it would be 1) cheaper and 2) quieter.
Maybe the lesson is just to speak up and say what I WANT and let it fall where it may.