Can’t Sleep

Right now, it’s about 4:30 a.m. here and I’ve already been up for a couple of hours. The first hour, I spent just lying in bed, thinking (hoping) I might simply fall back asleep. Then I realized that wasn’t going to happen, so I got up, made a cup of tea and came down here to send back some work that I had finished last evening. Got that done, so I’ve been surfing, reading, and commenting on various blogs.
I’ve been doing better on sleep lately, in fact, last week, I actually had a couple of dreams which I don’t remember, but know I dreamed. It’s been quite a while since I had any dreams. Well, I guess I’ve had them, but none that I remember, which I think probably means that I haven’t been getting enough deep sleep, which is not good. So, I’ve been working on what the docs call “sleep hygiene”. I had been taking some of G’s lorazepam to help get me into a more regular routine and to help me STAY asleep, which is my big problem, but now I’m not even taking that. Sometimes I do take ibuprofen before I go to bed just to help sore muscles relax, otherwise, not taking anything right now.
I’ve always been a good sleeper, even though I’ve never slept much more than 6 or so hours a night even when I was a lot younger. But then, at least I slept all the hours in a “clump”. Now, it’s easy for me to fall asleep, and I seem to sleep pretty well for 3 hours or so, but then, who knows. Nowadays, I’m up at least once a night to pee, and after that it’s anyone’s guess if I’ll get back to sleep. Some nights, no problem, but other nights (like tonight), the brain kicks in, and then it’s good bye Zs.
Right now, I know it’s daylight savings time that’s fucking me up. I LOATHE DST. I am a morning person, and one of the best things about spring is how the light comes on a little bit sooner every day. The pearly, opalescent change from night to day is so subtle, so precious, it’s just something not to be missed. Of course, it still happens, but now it’s an hour later, so you’ve got to be getting to work, and everyone else is up, etc. etc. Early mornings are MY time, and DST takes that away. I know, I know, I tell myself that it was this dark at the same time just a month or so ago, but in December, January, and February it’s SUPPOSED to be dark in the morning, NOT now. And saving energy? So what’s the difference if you have to turn the lights on earlier in the morning and not so soon at night? Again, no sense. DST is one of Benjamin Franklin’s BAD ideas.
Onward. Last night, I posted a video here, and since then, my posting screen has been different. I seem to have lost my choice for fonts, size, etc. I’m hoping this is not permanent, and that it will come back soon. (Note: just figgered out that I needed to click the “Compose” tab versus the “Edit Html” tab. D’oh!)
I’d like to write an open letter to Sally Kern, the Oklahoma Representative who spouted off about the horrors of the “gay agenda” at a meeting where she did not realize she was being taped, but
RSG has already done it so well. Still, I might have to try. Sometimes, I think the ability to hate so much is genetic. I mean, I have had some not so great stuff happen to me in my life, but I don’t hate the people who did it, not even my 1st husband, who was seriously not a nice man. I never want to be around those people ever again, either, but I honestly DON’T hate them, and I don’t want to put my energy into hating them. Why give them ANY power over me?
I do feel sorry for them, and I feel sorry for Sally Kern. How horrible to allow your life to be run by “teachings” that cause you so think that because a woman loves a woman or a man loves a man that they are actually a DANGER to your way of life. How is that even possible? How? How does my loving G., and living with her, buying a house, paying our taxes, loving our children and grandchildren, working, growing our gardens, HOW is that dangerous to anyone? Please, help me understand where you’re coming from. Or, no, DON’T help me, because if there’s anything in any of the above actions that is dangerous to anyone’s way of life, I don’t want to know. I live with and love a woman, so that makes me more dangerous than a TERRORIST? Wow, I thought I was just a rather less-than-fascinating grandmother. There’s not one, single assault weapon or smidge of C-4 anywhere around me. We don’t even own a handgun! Oh, wait–maybe it’s the garden fertilizer. I’m sure that does contain ammonium nitrate!
But seriously, “gay agenda”. What the heck IS that? What does it mean? Just like with any other group of people, if you get 100 gay people together, you are going to have 100 different “gay lifestyles” and 100 different “agendas” for their lives. The only agenda I can see that gay people have all together in common is to live their lives without getting killed for being who they are. But, I guess to some people like Sally Kern, that IS dangerous.
She says she has the right to free speech, and indeed she does. She is perfectly free to have these thoughts, and even to say the things she said. That IS what free speech is all about. However, in her position, it seems impossible that given her admitted hatred of and prejudice against “the gay lifestyle” that she could be fair and impartial when discussing legislation that pertains to equality. I can just see her working her conservative little heart out on some bill that’s supposed to protect or ensure rights, and in her little reptillian brain, the thought going, “Oh, but what about the GAYS? The GAYS can’t have this right!” No, no, no! So, she starts a big push to have the bill amended to somehow exclude the terms “sexual orientation” from it. Or WHATEVER. The point is, when you have that kind of hate in your heart, you CANNOT be objective. If you are a car mechanic or a bank teller or a fast food worker, the most you might do is offend a customer by refusing to serve them. But when you are a STATE LEGISLATOR, you have the ability to adversely affect the lives of thousands of people, to cause them to lose jobs, benefits, love, and yes, even life itself. Ms. Kern speaks about how “dangerous” the “gay lifestyle” is. She speaks about depression, etc. Well, how depressed would YOU be, Ms. Kern, if you thought you could be KILLED for kissing your husband on the cheek in a public place? How depressed would YOU be if your work and livelihood were dependent on never acknowledging that you even HAD a significant, loving, deep, and true relationship with someone you loved more than you had ever loved in your entire life? And those are just two examples.
We are sending huge numbers of our country’s finest young men and women to fight in a war that no one wanted so that we can bring “democracy” to people who have never had it. “Bringing democracy” has such a fine ring to it, but how are you going to enforce democracy HERE when your heart is so full of prejudice against so many of your fellow citizens?
This is not a spiritual or religious question. This is a question of rights UNDER THE LAW. And the law cannot be made to treat any “group” differently, otherwise, it becomes a meaningless fiction, and all the fine words about “truth” and “justice” become lies.
Hmm. Maybe I just did write that open letter after all.

One thought on “Can’t Sleep

  1. Very well written!

    I hadn’t heard about this Kern lady — I’ll have to go check out what she said.

    …and possibly write an open letter myself.

    Nice job. šŸ™‚

    Now GET SOME SLEEP! šŸ™‚

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