I’m So Sad Tonight

I had a fight with my daughter via IM this morning. It just brought up so many things that I thought I was dealing with, had dealt with, but I guess not. I try so hard not to let things push my buttons, but things to do with my finances and financial “security” always do it for me. Back when I wrote about wedding shopping, I opened that credit card to get all the stuff. No interest/payments for a year. Fine. Ever optimistic, I hoped that now that my daughter was with someone who actually worked a regular job, and she was working, that maybe she might actually make good on her offers to “pay me back”. Hope springs eternal in a mother’s heart, I guess. So, we did that.

Then, HE had to have a suit/tux/whatever. So they went to another store that “works with” the bridal place, and I let her do the same thing, only this time I wasnt’ with her and just talked to the place over the phone. I THOUGHT it was the same no interest/no payment deal, and when the statement came in the mail for the last couple of months, I just put them on my desk and didn’t even open them. My mistake. Always, my mistake.

Got a call from this store today via India. Behind on payments. Now I don’t know if you are aware of this, but if you miss ONE payment on ANY of your accounts, all your other credit cards, etc. can HIKE your interest rate through the fucking roof! For instance, say you get a late fee on card X. Card Y gets wind of it, and your 11.9% interest suddenly shoots up to 25%! Yep, they can do that. Doesn’t matter that you weren’t late with Card Y, they can do it anyway. Fuckers.

Anyway, I made the payment by phone (for a nice little $10.00 fee), and I am just livid. All the feelings I have been keeping at bay for so long about running out of money, not being able to keep paying on my GOD DAMNED credit cards, not being able to keep paying my portion of the house bills, etc. not, not, not, all came crashing in on me like Indiana Jones’ big boulder in Raiders of the Lost Ark. I just felt crushed. And I KNEW, deep down, that my daughter was never going to give me one dime of anything that I had shelled out for the wedding that I’m still not sure is going to happen. That once again, I had LET myself get duped. Duped into believing that she is going to do better. Believing that things might get easier for her (but how can they when she’s never going to make more than $10.00 and hour when she dropped out of school in the 10th grade?).

Duped. Just duped.

I IMed her and just lashed out. Normally, I do not lash out in anger. I have too good of a command of the language, and I learned a long time ago that I have an ability to wield words like a sword–I can cut HARD with them, and so I don’t. But I was livid and sad and mad and hurt all at the same time. I told her not to call me or try to talk because I was just too mad.

Of course, she IMed me back and started on about, “Well, fuck the wedding…” and how she would get her fiance to ask his boss for money, and she was broke, and blah and blah and blah…just soooo dramatic. I finally had had it. This is her life. She CHOSE this. I spent the first 16 years of her life doing every single fucking thing I knew how to do to encourage her and support her, and teach her, and show her all the different options that were open to her, and SHE CHOSE to drop out and get pregnant and now she has to work at shit jobs. I told her I didn’t want her to bring me any money and I didn’t want to talk to her.

So that’s been my day. I fucking HATE regret. Regret killed my father and I’m damned if it’s going to get me. About 98.65% of the time, I have no regrets. But that other 1.35% is a real pisser when it decides to rear its ugly head.

And of course, Sunday is Mother’s Day. And Monday is my fucking birthday. Those are my days off. Maybe I’ll just leave town.

The real Grumpy Granny will be back soon, I promise.

GG

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6 thoughts on “I’m So Sad Tonight

  1. Man I just wanna give you a big ole hug. 😦

    “Hope springs eternal in a mother’s heart” isn’t that the damn truth.

    It’ll be ok — you know it will.

  2. I wouldn’t fork over another penny. If she wants to get married and can’t afford a wedding, how about a quick trip before a Justice and it’s done. She’s still JUST as married.

  3. Syd, you are SO right. Not forking over more money won’t be a problem. I don’t HAVE any more!!

    GG

  4. I hear you only it’s just friggin life here sometimes. I stress on money a lot and I hear gas is supposed to be $7 a gallon this summer?

    I have borrowed from my mother and always pay her back and feel guilty every time I do it. She’s financing a new furnace for us because I have absolutely no savings whatsoever.

    Weddings are expensive…

  5. No wonder my post on my own mom made you sad. What a fucking rough fight to have. I’m so sorry you are having such a rough time of it.

    I’m sending you a super cheesy boob twin hug…

    Happy Mothers Day!!!

    Happy Birthday!!!!

  6. I’m sorry that happened. Lining up behind Tina to hug you. Hope by now things are at least a little better.

    FYI on the interest rate, there’s always a card offer floating around with a low interest rate, if they all go up maybe you can do a transfer.

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