Going With the Flow, or How To Stay Out of The Way

Thank GOD for l0r@zep@m! G has a rx for it, and I finally broke down and took some this week. Sleep, ahhhh, blessed sleep! The first night, I took 2 (I had taken it before, but only 1), along with some 1buprfen, and dropped off to sleep with my book around 11pm. Next thing I know, it’s 6:30 in the freakin’ morning! And the covers haven’t moved! Oh my GOD, I slept!

It’s been sort of like that for the last few nights, only now I’m just taking the one pill. I have made my customary trips to the bathroom, but even so, get right back into bad and fall asleep till it’s actually TIME to get up. Folks, for those of you who have never had this trouble (and I didn’t until the last few years), trust me, THIS is a blessing. I have never needed to sleep even 8 hours (6 works the best for me), but I have to have REAL sleep, so I am feeling very encouraged.

Plus I’ve been doing a little bit of exercise maybe 45 mins before I turn in–not even enough to break a real sweat, but just get the blood going, stretch, etc. It helps to calm the hyperactive part of my brain that is always in some kind of overdrive, even though to look at me, one would never think that. Think of the movie “Lake Placid” with the smooth-as-glass surface, but the huge-ass, man-eating crocodile underneath, that’ll give you an idea.

After shopping and buying the wedding outfit on Sunday AND getting it approved, now it looks like things may be off. I wondered how their whole relationship was going to hold up after Daughter had to give up her car because she couldn’t make the payments AND keep gas in it. Then she got laid off last week. *I* know she will have another job very soon. But in the meantime, is fiance willing to step up and join in the very necessary domesticity required? Or let her borrow his car? Or whatever it it takes to get THEM (not just HER) back on an even keel? Apparently not.

I can’t say I’m surprised, but I am sad for her. Sad because this guy WAS a step up from all the others–her choices from day one drifting to petty criminals who reminded her of her father. But this time, she seemed to be breaking the pattern at least in one important way.
I am proud of myself because while I do feel sad for her and for the boys (and I know there will be a lot of acting out if they really do break up–these boys have lost a lot of “dads”), I do not feel the need to “step in” either with money (which I now don’t have) or with volunteering, or with anything. I’ll be happy to offer suggestions, advice, or whatever, IF she asks. But now, on some deep and visceral level, I know that this is her path. Where ever it leads her, she has to walk it.
I guess really the only thing I could say is that when such things have happened to me, i.e. something breaking that I thought was really good, it was usually because the REAL thing was coming around the corner and the Universe was getting me ready for it. I will keep that thought in my heart for her.
And now, to work!
Happy Fourth of July Eve,

2 thoughts on “Going With the Flow, or How To Stay Out of The Way

  1. I feel for her. I have the bad boy complex too although after some years of it, I’m ready to trade for nice guy with a job. It gets really old aftr a while. I hope things turn out well for her and hey, you got an awesome dress out of the deal no matter what happens.

  2. I take loraz. for panic/anxiety – I can only take 1/2 – it turns me into a zombie.

    As I work through menopause, I find myself having more and more trouble sleeping. It’s really a pain.

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