Sweet, With a Dash of Bitter

The boys came over today to pick up the school clothes we had bought for them.  We did some shopping at Wally World but found most of our good buys at Goodwill and ARC.  I can’t believe they are going to be in 4th and 1st grades this year!  It just does not seem possible.  They’re growing visibly and trying to keep pants on them is like dressing a hose!  They are 2 skinny dudes, but all muscle and sinew.

We haven’t seen much of them this summer.  They are settling in as a new family, and when we do see them, they are always talking about “Dad”, which I think is great.  These boys desperately needed a Dad and I hope that son-in-law Apple realizes what a prize he has in these 2 kids.  Not that I’m biased or anything 😉

Even though I adore both of these boys, I admit to having a real soft spot for GS1.  After all, he lived with me for the first 18 months of his life (though he doesn’t remember), and I was often the one who got up in the dead of night and fed and rocked him back to sleep.  When I was training for a marathon walk in 2001, I pushed him all over Pueblo in a stroller.  He’s been kind of my “buddy” in that way.  He’s very active, but he also loves the computer, loves books, movies, games and puzzles so he and gramma have lots in common.

He’s also just a sweet kid.  He has a speech impediment, and often has trouble getting his words out, but has NO trouble communicating–either he finds a word he CAN say, or his face says it all, or he uses his hands or whatever.  And, as far as I can tell, he’s never had any problem with peers about it.  He’s been in speech therapy since he’s been in school and that’s helped a lot.  But it’s never stopped him.  He’s quite the chatterbox and will just keep talking till he gets his message across.

One of the things I love most about him is that he’s very affectionate.  When we walk in the park or where ever, he’s likely to just take my arm and put it around his shoulders and hold my hand against his heart.  I just melt when he does that.  It’s beautiful and sad at the same time, because I feel a maternal way about him that I never felt about my own child.  Even though I sure am glad I am not his mother, I feel like he is really the child of my heart.

Today, after my daughter did her resume on the computer, the boys were getting ready to go and they came down to say good bye.  GS2 was fiddling with my dimmer switch, and I said how about hugs?  I was sitting in my office chair, which is a “real” office chair that swivels, with no arms.

He’s a little taller than I am now when I’m sitting down.  He came over and just put his arms around me and went into a real strong hug, something he hasn’t done in a long time.  I hugged him so tight and he’s still so skinny I could put my arms around him twice.  He hugged and hugged and I hugged and hugged and just kind of swiveled him around back and forth in my chair patting his back.  There’s just so much love in him and he doesn’t even think about it, it’s just him, the way he is.

I wanted to hold him that way forever and not let him get beat up by the world and get the sweetness and love and little boy-ness knocked out of him by life and society and other boys and men who can’t feel.  I wanted to just squeeze the hell out of him and beg him not to grow up and change and turn into some MAN who’s too “cool” to give his gramma a big ol’ hug.

I hope there’s enough of me in him to help him keep just a tiny bit of innocence and trust even when life sucks.  Given what the 2 of them have already been through, I think there is and that gives me great hope.

Hope and hugs.  Those are good things to share between generations.



3 thoughts on “Sweet, With a Dash of Bitter

  1. How much do I love that picture! I don’t know, boys can be far more sensitive if you nurture that side.

    Jeremie is about the sweetest, most sensitive boy ever. I think it’s all that female influence. I’m so proud of that. 😀

  2. Aww… what a beautiful post about something so important. The boys are so lucky to have you as a constant in their life. The grandparent role is so different than the parent role. You are creating good in the world ~ and that lasts forever.


  3. I love this story, GG. Kids may not remember things, but they do form attachments that defy memory – it’s innate. It sounds like things are going very well for your daughter – and by extension – the kids. Must feel very warm for you, despite the tinge of sadness.

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