It’s the day after Christmas. It’s cloudy. It’s cold. This sounds like the beginning of a Dr. Seuss book, but it’s only the truth. These days, it seems harder and harder to get out of bed each morning. Today, I jumped on the mini-trampoline and got my blood going. I need to so something like that each morning. I sit too much, but it’s sort of a job requirement. I would be working right now, only the docs in Buffalo are apparently celebrating Boxing Day, and aren’t dictating. Well, one is dictating, but he can’t keep all of us busy, so it’s slow.
It’s been odd without G here most of the time. The dog sulks. I try to pay attention to her when I’m not working, but she’s not all that interested, though she will sit next to me on the couch as long as I’m rubbing her ears. I think about projects that I want/need to get done, but that’s as far as it goes. Procrastination is my middle name.
I’m trying to figure out why I am in this funk that I seem to have been in for a while now. I don’t feel bad or depressed, I just feel kind of “blah”. Could be not enough exercise, could be too much worry about money, which is always my downfall. I’m trying to adjust to the fact that now, for most of the work I do, I am being paid less than HALF of what I was being paid. I’m trying to figure out what I’m supposed to learn from this.
Most people would say, “You’re learning that you need to look for a new job.” I would agree, only I am simply not ready to leave the house to work again. I don’t want to do it. I just don’t. So, when you know what you don’t want, you know what you DO want, right? Yes. I want to work from home in a job I enjoy that pays me a living wage. Right now, I have 2 of the 3, so that’s good. I know I will be able to create the 3rd part of that if I can just tweak myself into figuring out what it is I can/want to do from here that pays well. Guess I could finish that novel and sell it 😉 Then perhaps I could write another one, and so on.
Thing is, “blah” is stealing my energy. Perhaps the bottom line is, after having worked for the better part of 40 years, I’m not sure I really want to work any more. Except that I have to. No one is going to support me and I don’t have any kind of condition that I could be “disabled” for. And I guess I’m still not willing to sell my soul to a corporation. I mean, yes, I work for a corporation now, but it just feels so different. No office politics, no “dress for success”, no commuting, none of the crap that I just loathe. So, I suppose, in the long run, making so much less money is kind of a trade off.
I wish that I could just take a year off and do NOTHING. At least, to start off doing NOTHING. I’m sure that wouldn’t last long, but it would be nice to have that option.
So, that’s my happy stuff for the day. As an update, the kids are back together, the furniture will get over there hopefully tomorrow or Monday, and everyone liked their Christmas gifts.
I am thankful for my life and all my many blessings and for the significant LACK of drama for the most part. Perhaps I should just admit that I’m a boring person who prefers a boring life and let it go at that.