I Wonder

So, while I sit here waiting for work to load (2nd time with no work today), I thought I would indulge in a little day dreaming.  Sometimes, when I’m slogging away in my regular life, there’s a piece of my mind that wanders off on its own.  I’ve always been like that.  I can frequently think about several things at once, even when I’m focused on doing just one thing.

Today, I would like to think about what I would do if I didn’t have to work. I really can’t imagine what it would be like.  It seems like I’ve worked ever since I was born.  I have no “retirement”, so it’s unlikely that I will ever completely stop working.  I don’t really think about it in a serious fashion because it just seems like such an elusive dream.  What would I do, really, if day after day after day, I didn’t have to get up and do something to earn my keep?  Would I begin to indulge in hobbies or creative pursuits?  Or would I just find myself in front of the TV, overdosing on HGTV re-runs and thinking about paint swatches?

I probably would do just that for maybe the first 6 months. I think I’d have to overdose on not working in order to fully realize what was going on.  I know this would drive G crazy.  I can envision how she would be if I were not working–she would have all these plans of home remodeling, painting, moving, re-organizing, garage re-fixing, sawing, hammering, sanding, you name it.  She would be like Ty Pennington on speed (scary) with the thought of a full-time pair of hands to assist her in various home, garden and yard projects.

Sadly, the above could not be further from my mind as an ideal way to “retire”. In fact, if I KNEW the choice would be to keep working vs. a steady stream of “home improvement” projects ad infinitum until death, I’ll just keep working, thank you.

So what would I do?  First of all, I would sleep until I woke up naturally every day. Since I wake up naturally before the sun comes up, not much would change there.  I would still have coffee like I always do, but I would take my cup and wander around the yard, noting the subtle changes in light and shadow as the sun began to come up. I would stay out as long as I wanted to, whether it was warm or cold.  I would spend more time breathing and stretching in the meditation garden.  I might even light a morning fire and enjoy the smell of wood smoke before breakfast.

I would fix breakfast.  I fix breakfast anyway, but I would enjoy it as a real “sit-down” meal and not something to be got through before heading downstairs.  I might enjoy it on the back porch or the front porch, depending on the weather.

I would walk.  I would like to take long, leisurely walks around the neighborhood without having to worry about being back at any particular time.  I would also carry my phone in case I ended up somewhere that G might like to join me, or if I didn’t feel like walking all the way back home. 😉

I would ride the bus.  I often tell myself that on the work day that I have off, I need to take the bus near my house and just ride it to the transfer point, and see where I can go in town without a car.  Then, I start having all the “day off” stuff fall in on me, and I don’t do it.  With nothing pressing, I think I would ride the bus a lot and go places in town that I have been wanting to go.

I would read at the library.  I use the library a lot, but it’s almost always an in and out trip.  I’d like to sit at the library for an entire day, reading, and moving from place to place.  Our library is a beautiful building full of light from every direction.  It would be nice to experience it as the sun moves through the day.

I would write.  But not on a computer.  I would return to my hand-written journal, the one I can carry with me.  I would re-learn how to sit by a stream or in a park and paint word pictures that could carry me back to those specific places whenever I wanted to go.  Along with this, I would have to practice my penmanship, as otherwise, I would never be able to access what I wrote due to illegibility.

I might paint.  I’ve thought about it often.  I have no formal training, but I’d like to spend some time playing with paint and color and various textures and shapes.

I would cook.  No reason to mess up a good thing, right?

I would spend more time in the garden.  Really.  I talked to G about this a couple of weeks ago.  I told her that I really did want to spend more time working in the garden this year, but I had to be able to do it on my terms.  Our “garden styles” are so different, and I allow myself to feel judged and monitored while I’m out there if she is out there, too.  Fortunately, she understood what I was talking about.  I am a garden “meanderer”.  G. is a force of nature.  I like to sit in the garden, pull a few weeds, look at the roly-polys, notice the bees, look around for the lizards, check out the new shoots on the trees, etc.  G is all about how many garbage cans she can fill up with detritus and weeds.  I can’t be in competition with her, and I don’t expect her to slow down to my style.  But for me, the garden is an escape from the inside.  I simply can’t treat it as another “job” or it will lose its appeal completely.

So, in short, there’s no chance of me being bored or lacking for things to do should I find myself in the happy position of not earning a living. I have a long list of “playing” that I’d be happy to do if I didn’t have to work all day.  Will I ever have the chance?

The universe works in mysterious ways, that’s all I know.


3 thoughts on “I Wonder

  1. You mean some people actually get to retire?

    I’d finally have time to write a book… if I could come up with a coherent stream of thoughts for more than a few thousand words.

  2. Hopefully retirement will work out for you someday. Those all sound like wonderful pursuits and many of them are on my “someday when I retire” list, too. Except for the handwriting part – I prefer to type. My penmanship is ok, I guess, but revisions would drive me crazy. 🙂

  3. I play this game a lot, too. And its cousin, what would I do if I won the lottery.

    The things you would do sound very much like the things I would do… a few exceptions, a few additions, but very similar.

    My hope is that someday I’ll get to work part-time and be able to have the time for things like wandering in the garden.

    Dreams are important to our quality of life!

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