Wanting/Not Wanting

I’ve reached an odd place in my life.  I’ve reached a point where I don’t really want anything.  I don’t like to shop.  I don’t particularly care about getting new clothes or shoes or any shiny accessories.  I like my quiet life, not leaving the house unless I must or if I really want to; that word again.  All of my basic needs are taken care of, and I guess I must be fairly low maintenance because that seems a gracious plenty to me.

I love to read, but I don’t care to buy books–I’d rather patronize the library.  I do love to go to the movies, but if I miss a movie in the theater, I know I’ll be able to catch it on Netflix.  I can even catch up on TV episodes I miss on Hulu or the actual network website.  And if I don’t catch up, well, big deal.  Sometimes I try to “assess” myself to determine if I might be depressed or something, but I don’t think that I am, I just have a low satisfaction quotient, I guess.  I have a simple life and I’m happy with it.  Why should I want any more?

G asked me to help her with some of her financial stuff today; that is, she had added up her income vs. her outflow for the month and was appalled at how much money she had “blown” (her terms, not mine).  For the record, she makes over twice as much money on disability than I do working every day, plus she doesn’t pay taxes.  But dealing with any kind of money freaks her out.  I mean, getting teary-eyed and cold-sweat kind of freaked out.  The first of the month (when she gets paid) is a tense time for her, because she’s so paranoid that she’ll forget to pay something and “get in trouble”.  The good thing is that since we’ve been together, both of our various bills have dwindled significantly.  Which is a good thing.

But back to wanting/not wanting.  One of the things she is stressing over is this upcoming trip.  She’s worried about putting the credit cards back up.  I keep trying to tell her that we will be able to use our debit cards in Australia which would be the best thing anyway, since the fees are less. Then she worries that we(I) won’t have enough money. I also keep telling her that we’re probably not going to bring anything back that can’t fit in a carry-on.  I don’t travel in order to shop.  I don’t LIKE to shop.  There’s no THING in Australia I want.  But I do want to experience the place, to see it, to take some good pictures, to eat some good food, meet the people, walk in the streets, etc. and to share all of that with her. I am not about souvenirs you have to carry, but about the memories that never fade and are more priceless than any trinket.

I have so much already.  Most everything more that I want in my life is something to DO, not something to HAVE.

What I REALLY want is not to have to work full time for the rest of my life, but unfortunately, the basic expenses of life go on and I have to keep up with those, so work it is.  And, after all, it could be way worse, so I am grateful for that as well.

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