…write this evening, because my hand is hurting really badly from all the other typing I do during the week. And then I was going to write about something completely different than what I’m writing about now, but then I decided what the heck, it’s your blog, write whatever you want.
I’ve completely fallen off of exercise lately. I did the yoga–mostly–for the last 21 days, but I confess, some of it was simply lying in savasana (corpse pose) so that will give you an idea of how active I’ve been.
I can’t help but compare this to last summer when I was swimming and biking and walking nearly every day. I was getting up at 5 a.m, too, to do it. I’m SO not a summer person. If I could spend winters in Colorado and summers in the Scottish highlands, I think I would be ecstatic. Or someplace where it never gets much hotter than 68 degrees. Heaven.
All this lack of activity leads to some rather severe self judgment. Especially when G is out working and sweating in the hot summer sun and loving every minute of it and wishing I was out there with her. She really does understand why I’m not, but it doesn’t stop her from wanting me to be there and to DO more outside with her. But even on days off, in summer, after 9 a.m. I do not really want to go outside, unless it’s to sit under a tree and watch butterflies or read a book.
Yesterday (my Friday), I came up from work and I was completely exhausted. This job of staying mentally focused, trying to make sure anywhere from 15 to 100 jobs get done and back to the hospital in their correct time frames (anywhere from 2 to 24 hours), making sure other transcriptionists are at their posts all over the country, and also editing their work and providing feedback to new people, well, it’s just mentally exhausting. I went up, got on the bed next to G for our 3:00-ish “together time” and promptly fell asleep. I mean like a dead person. I slept for 2 hours, nearly 3. That kind of hard sleep that when you wake up you aren’t even sure what day it is.
I know I need to be more active. I know I need to walk more, bike more, shake myself around more. I’d love to swim more, but that’s a whole other story. I just have to accept that NOT doing it is all right, too; that forcing myself to exercise or whatever when I’m feeling tired or want to lie down maybe isn’t the best thing for me. I do like to be active, but summer just wears me down before I even start to move. Like allowing myself to sleep a bit later, accepting this part of myself is taking some work. The whole “not doing” is, after all, anathema in this country. You’ve got to be doing SOMETHING at all times, or else you’re, god forbid, “lazy” and who wants to be that?
We went to see the new Karate Kid move for the 2nd time today. I love that movie and I especially love Jackie Chan in it. There’s a line I love that he says, “Being still and doing nothing are 2 completely different things.” Maybe I should concentrate on the being still part and quit worrying about doing nothing. If it feels okay, then it IS okay.