Allowing

So, after the events of last post, we found out we needed more work on the car.  This did not surprise me.  What happened was the car blew a head gasket, which I got fixed, but then we discovered the entire cooling system needed to be fixed, too–new radiator, reservoir, etc.  In for a penny, in for a pound, right?  Anyway, while I was trying to figure out how to arrange for getting the car, picking up my daughter, keeping my work schedule etc. etc., the mechanic called me and said she had managed to get a ride to his shop (yeah, she can manage THAT), and he would let her have the car if I could just come by later and pay.  Now, that’s a nice mechanic.  Even better, he took payment over the phone and that was one chapter done.  I tried to call her a bit later, and her phone was turned off.  Yeah. She goes through cell phone accounts like I change my socks.

I let it go.  Through it all, I tried to work my Abraham stuff.  Here is what I thought–All this was circumstances.  I have no control over circumstances, but I did the best I could to make them better (paying the rent, fixing the car).  For the rest, I held and continue to hold, the best vision I can of my daughter.  She is smart, strong and independent.  She stands up for herself in ways I still can’t manage.  She knows what she wants.  She is still in school and keeping with that, which alone amazes me. I am holding my vision of her, done with school, working in radiology, having a career she loves, making good money.  I hold a vision of her being so good at what she does, she is consulted as an expert, that her quest for knowledge will lead her to fields of work she could never have imagined, that she will become so interested in science that she will continue to pursue education whether formally or own her own.

As we drove back from the mechanic’s the first time (false alarm that the car was ready), I told her this. I said, I just keep looking at the future for you, I don’t think about now.  Now is bothersome, but it won’t stay that way–I’m just taking care of necessary details, but it’s not where you’re stuck.  See yourself out of this.  See yourself where you want to be.  You’re so far on the path now, you’ve made HUGE steps, you know where you’re going, you’ve done so much, just let the rest happen because it will.  Allow it.

So, today she called me and told me that her husband had gone to her work and made big apologies and her boss told her that after she is done with this semester (which is an odd schedule), if she wanted her job back she could have it at the same pay, etc.  She had just finished a class in Denver that they paid for her to go to, so I can’t think they were all that unhappy with her work.

She said he brought the divorce papers over but she couldn’t sign them.  They love each other, I guess.  He has moved into an apartment across town, and she said they spent several hours sitting in the park across from her place talking–really talking to each other and not screaming and accusing.  He said he wants to try and he wants to be different.  She said she was willing to try but not live together at the moment.  I thought finally, that is a smart thing to do.  You’ve lived together and you’ve been married and you brought all the kids into the mix, now maybe you just need to date each other for a while!  Allow that, too.

She sounded better and said the car ran like new and was using less gas.  Makes sense.  I hope they can make it work.  I know the kids would like it if they could, but the main thing is them and her.  She is tough and strong and independent.  If he wants her, he will have to understand that she is not going to be June Cleaver, even though she can act like it for a while.  He needs to release his Hispanic background male/female role thing and just allow himself to appreciate what it was that attracted him to her in the first place.  I’ve seen him tear up when he looked at a photo of her in the 3rd grade.  I’ve seen him handle a baby bird with care and attention.  He cried as much as she did at their wedding.  He has potential, too, and I hope he will allow that.

I will hold this vision for both of their futures and allow myself to hope for all of us.  In the meantime, I will not allow mere circumstances to get to me.  It’s a practice and I think I just moved a step further along the path.  I can’t get it wrong and I’ll never get it done.  I am eternal.

Happy Saturday,

GG

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3 thoughts on “Allowing

  1. She’s very fortunate to have you as her mother.

    Sometimes allowing feels sooooo painful (at least to me). I love this account of finding the path to peaceful allowing. Beautiful.

  2. You are absolutely right, GG, to be holding the vision of her. Sometimes that is the best thing we can do for our children (besides paying for the car, rent, kid’s stuff, etc). I’m glad you told her about that. She will begin to believe it as well…

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