I walked 71.5 miles this month. I wrote 63,696 words. And I lost 15 pounds. Not in this month, but some time between the last time I got on the Wii and when I got on it this week, I lost 15 pounds. Without really trying. Seriously.
This whole month, Abe-Hicks has been sending extended meditation type stuff in their daily emails. I decided to print out all 32 of them to keep and refer to. They often talk about resistance and I think a big part of my resistance to losing weight in the past has been 1) that I don’t feel “fat” and 2) that I was trying to prove something–to who, I don’t know, the Universe maybe? by being both “fat” and “healthy”. But they’re only words, both of them. What do they really mean? I also admit that I tend to equate being thin with being weak. I’m a big, strong woman and I like being a big, strong woman. In the greater scheme of things I was resisting losing weight in my head, and no matter what I was eating or not, that resistance was more powerful.
Having to change our diet as a result of G’s major GI trouble this summer was the beginning of a process. I realized that giving up things like bread and cheese wasn’t really all that hard. I thought I’d really miss cheese most of all, but I haven’t. And guess what? We spend WAY less on groceries. It’s amazing.
So I’m slowly releasing the resistance. I’m accepting that I can be thinner and still strong, if not stronger. I’m progressing in my t’ai chi and loving the feel of my body moving in such a graceful, measured, balanced way.
I released a lot of resistance writing this book, maybe a lot of stuff I’ve held onto for decades. I once wrote a rather graphic “horror” story to exorcise my first marriage. I think this novel is doing the same for another important relationship in my past life, one that I have held on to in one form or another for nearly 30 years. It’s been such an odd feeling to see familiar scenes on paper, yet slightly changed because the characters have taken the story in a different direction all together. It’s like I gave a couple of actors an improv scenario and they just took off without a script and created a play.
The bike is back up on the trainer in the garage and I went out there the first time last night. It was great. It’s chilly out there so I can sweat to my heart’s content. They say people don’t lose weight in the winter, but even in this my heyoka nature takes over because I love exercising in the cold weather and become a slug when it’s hot. If I can release my resistance to exercising in summer I’ll have made a huge step.
And best of all, G and I went to the local college today and she bought me a 20-visit punch card to their pool for Christmas! They have a do-able swimming schedule that won’t force me out of bed at 4 am in order to swim and get back here in time. I can swim on my days off or later in the afternoon if I want to. I’m so excited to get back in the water I can’t tell you.
So the next time you feel like you can’t do something or you’re trying to do something and it’s not working out the way you want it do, maybe the best thing to do is to quit trying. Quit pushing. Just sit back for a little while and think about releasing the resistance to it, whatever it is. Just open your hands and let it go, let it fly away.
And see what you can accomplish.