Stumbling Around

For someone who wasn’t going to write much for a while, I seem to be doing a lot of it.

I just cruised over to Tarotscopes which thanks to Making Space has become a favorite place to visit. I wanted to check out my ‘scope for Taurus this week.  What popped up was really no surprise, though it was a bit of a wake-up call: The card was the major arcana card XVIII, The Moon, and the message is below:

“This card signals a period of Not Knowing.  It’s just a phase, but for now, things aren’t what they seem. It’s hard to find your bearings in the dark, so slow down.  Take a breath – or three.  Let go of any expectations for the moment, let go of a need to control or master this changeable situation.  Don’t fight the current, flow with it.  This is a Yin time, your intuition is a better guide then your senses will be.  Know that even common, everyday things appear strange (even scary!) when distorted as they are by shadow.  Things will return to their normal shape under the light of the sun…and do trust that the sun will rise again.”

Wow.  Just wow. All this stuff I have been trying to push around, beat into submission or ignore and it’s been getting the better of me every time.  Stuff like this happens (what’s been going on lately) and I realize that I Don’t Know.  Anything.  Sometimes I think I know things, like how to handle emotional stuff and how to deal with ongoing concerns of making a living, paying bills, etc. because, after all, I have been pretty much making a living and paying bills in some form or another since I was 15, right? I should have a handle on this.  But I don’t seem to know anything because challenges around these issues always send me in to fits.  What haven’t I learned?  Hasn’t something always popped up just at the right moment?  Haven’t I always been able to do the things I’ve wanted to do without having everything else in my life fall completely apart?  Yes.  Yes.

So why I am such a complete worry wart about this stuff continues to elude and baffle me. The thing is, I prefer moonlight.  I prefer the shadows.  I prefer the transition times, the times of dawn and twilight, over bright noon or dark midnight.  Why? Because that’s when the magic happens.  To see a fox trotting down the middle of the street or hear the hush of the breeze at just the moment when the top curve of the sun shows itself over the horizon.  Those things are magic, things not seen in “ordinary time”.  I know this.  I totally get it.  What I don’t understand is why I can’t keep that knowledge in the forefront of my silly brain.

Going with the flow, moving downstream, not pushing the current, all these things are metaphors for the way I truly, honestly want to live my life.  “Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.”  That’s me, totally.  I get completely messed up and derailed when I start taking all of life’s “stuff” too seriously.

The good thing is, I’ve got a vacation coming up.  I’ll be away for a few days and I am leaving all expectations behind.  I am going into the “travel bubble” and anything that happens in that bubble is just fine.  I’m going to breathe a lot and observe a lot and hopefully laugh a lot.  I’m going to look at some of those scary shapes in the moonlight and see if I can figure out how to make friends with them with the sun comes up. And even if I don’t get any magical answers, that will be just fine, too.

Have a great weekend!

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2 thoughts on “Stumbling Around

  1. Funny, I’m a Libra, but I feel myself to be in a similar situation. As if a softer focus gives greater clarity. Seems impossible but… worth a try maybe…

    Downstream wishes to us all.

  2. …leave all expectations behind…

    That’s key to enjoying the experience, and it will be key to accepting all aspects of your life.

    Enjoy the time off!

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