The new furnace arrives Nov. 8.  It’s been warm during the days so far, but chilly during the night–last night into the 20s.  I’m very grateful for the gas logs down here in the basement.  We had two more things go kaput on us this week–our dual-controlled electric heated mattress pad (nice when G is freezing and I’m not) and then yesterday, G was cutting up a pumpkin to put in the oven, cut through the fruit, and down onto the cutting board that I’ve had since before my daughter was born and KAPUT–it split right in half.  No shit.  Now, that’s a little thing, but I have to say, I am partial to that cutting board.  I don’t know, I’ve carried it with me from house to house to house and I’ve made countless wonderful things using it to cut on.  I’m hoping G can use some gorilla glue and get it back to its full functionality, but if not, I’ll use at least half of it for smaller cutting jobs.  Call me a sentimental old granny–I’m just not ready to give up that cutting board.

Otherwise, the colder mornings are bringing winter home. I’ve been nearly a complete slug since I got back from SF.  I haven’t been swimming once.  I pulled the stem out of one of my bike tires trying to put air in it a few weeks ago and had to get new tires. The bike rides great but I’ve only been on it twice since then. I can feel the pull of winter’s call to hibernation.  I’m really looking forward to our trip to Vail next week and hope the weather cooperates.  I want to walk and wander and be outside, even if it’s cold.  If it’s snowing maybe we can go somewhere and snowshoe.  I’ve never skied and I don’t particularly want to learn. I’m kind of partial to my knees, but show shoeing sounds fun.  The last few mornings I haven’t even manage to get out of bed much before I have to be down here typing away.  Long enough to make a pot of coffee and off I go.  Maybe a round or two of my t’ai chi form.  I haven’t got back in touch with my teacher to move forward to the end of the routine.  I haven’t been writing.  I haven’t been doing much of anything but working.  Overtime at the regular job and some freelance stuff.  Bills have to be paid and I’m grateful for the OT, but I think I need to pull back a little bit, regroup and reassess.  I hope this coming weekend will allow us to do that.  Not that we’re getting distant–in fact, our bond seems even stronger these days.  As I wrote earlier, I was so proud of G when she didn’t go off the deep end about the furnace.  We WILL take care of all this stuff.  I know we will, I honestly have no doubts of it.  It’ll take a while but we can do it because when we work together we can do anything.

I am a little concerned about my writing.  I feel stuck and stumped. NANO is not going to happen this year, even though I have more than a few ideas that I could go with.  I just don’t feel it.  My judgmental voice says that shouldn’t matter, that if I’m going to write I should just write and not bother with “inspiration” but I find I can’t quite operate that way in a creative endeavor. Yes, I know it’s 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, but if you’re not inspired at all, the perspiration just feels futile.  Maybe I need something completely different as a creative outlet.  I almost bought a violin from one of my coworkers who’s moving, but then she sold it quickly to a local person. That’s all right.  If I’m meant to attack the violin, another one will show up.  Hmmm, Craigslist?

Tomorrow is my late start day and it’s supposed to be mild again, so maybe I’ll get up and go for my 5 miles, let my brain wander while my feet carry me along.  We’re not going to do the 26-mile walk in March.  Sign up is next month and quite honestly we can’t swing the registration fee for both of us.  That’s okay. I’m going to concentrate on doing the SheROX triathlon in Denver in July. And maybe next week I’ll get back in the water.  It really is my best therapy.

Oh, before I forget, I don’t think I mentioned that I finally broke down and got me some New Balance shoes and now I have happy feet again.  I’ll know better going forward–nothing but NB for this girl.  The Keen’s I’ll keep for hanging out, but for pounding the pavement, or the trails, it’s New Balance all the way for me.

Finally, I’ll be adding my entry to the next culinary smackdown–Battle Winter Squash–this weekend.  I haven’t even felt a whole lot like cooking, although I have been, ham and beans, lots of homemade bread, and I seriously have to make some green chile with all the peppers I’ve roasted and frozen.

So, there we are.  A little thoughtful, a little wistful, a little wintry.  Nothing serious, just time for a pause.  I know it’s mostly seasonal, it’ll pass.  The great thing about being in the place and age I am now is that I can experience these feelings but I can also step out of them and look at myself from a place of observation and see that it’s all part of the tapestry and cycle of my life and so I don’t have to get all tangled up in it and can just let it happen. There’s actually a lot of peace in that thought.

And on that note, I’ll say good night.


2 thoughts on “Regrouping

  1. I have a big “Amen, sister” reaction to so much in this post. But maybe first I should ask how much snow you got on your side of the ridge? Hang in there until the new furnace arrives. I’m sure you will.

    So glad to hear you’re in for the Smackdown! Off to wish my sis a happy happy birthday. And contenting myself with knowing I’m close to getting my Chocolate Festival blog post up tomorrow. It’s the weekend. And I ain’t beating up on myself about what I do with “my time” when I endure enough from others during the work week 🙂

  2. It sounds like you have a lot going on…

    There is something about this November, I’m feeling some of those same feelings even though my circumstances are wildly different from yours. I, too, considered then dismissed the Nanothingy (I can never remember what letters go where in that damn thing). I mentally wrote a rather soppily melancholy poem as I fixed dinner tonight, and then felt a bit better.

    May we all have a good night.

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