I have no idea what is going on with my life right now. Suddenly, well, no, not suddenly. I’m trying to think back to when all “this” started. If I had to pin it down, I guess it started some time after I got back from my swim in San Francisco. You know, I have not been in the water since then. That may well be part of the problem. I need to swim. I need to wash off all the crap of the day in a large body of water and leave it all behind when I climb out. Maybe that should be my first goal to pull myself out of this awful funk. Swim.
But the other stuff, oh, dear God. Seriously. My new computer died. Did I tell you that? Yes, it died. Last Saturday morning. I was working along, happily doing a nice, long file with a good dictator and another one behind it, when WHAM! My transcription platform disappeared, then half my icons vanished and boom, computer off. Then I tried to turn it back on. Sort of started up but no. Same thing again. So I left it, went upstairs and tried not to panic. A while later, it came on but just made it to the Windows screen and hung there, kind of pulsating. Great. Lovely. Ever have that feeling of being totally fucked? Yeah, that one. You know it.
So, I went upstairs and made coffee. Woke up G. Tried the computer again. You know what the definition of insanity is, right? Yeah. Then it hit me…I still had the old machine. When I brought it back from getting the data transferred to the new one, my computer guy told me it would run, but he couldn’t guarantee for how long. Whatever, I had to try because I had to work. So, I got the new one out of the way and set up the old one. Guess which machine I’m typing this on tonight? Yeah. You got it. Gotta love an old work horse. Kinda like me. In computer years, this machine is prolly older than me, too.
Later that night after work, I re-hooked the new machine and called customer “support”. I’m still laughing, but it’s bitter. Got one of those “support” plans, right? And the guy was nice and he walked me through everything. He was pretty sure I had a virus. Oh, we didn’t tell you that the “support” plan doesn’t include damage from viruses? Oh, so sorry. Well. So, Monday I called my folks at TechnoDoctor here in town. Best people ever. Took the computer in and yesterday Mark called me and turned out it was a bad hard drive. So, I guess it WOULD have been covered under my replacement plan, only I would have had to send it somewhere and heaven only knows when I would have got it back, etc. etc.
So, now I have my new machine back…BUT…oh yes, there’s always a BUT. In the meantime of all that, my Hotmail account, that I’ve had for FOURTEEN YEARS, somehow got hacked or something and completely locked me out. Totally. I can’t get in, can’t change the PW, nothing. And of course, it was time for me to do my alumnae news for our college publication. Wheee, what fun. And, after I got the new machine back, again, they transfer data but not software, so I have to reload my Office 2010 AND get hold of someone at my work IT department to walk me through loading the transcription platform so I can work on it again. So, at 10:30 this morning, I said no way, unhooked the new machine, hooked up the old faithful and here I am again.
See, it’s shit like this that’s driving me nuts. I am trying to figure out what to do, what I want to be when I grow up, but how can I when I don’t have ONE FREE SECOND to think about anything??? That’s the trouble with the world…there’s no THINKING time. We’re all so busy working and putting out fires and taking care of THINGS that only want to break and leave us hanging that we can’t get anything done or keep a coherent thought in our heads. We laugh and we say it’s menopause or Mercury in retrograde or “senior moments” but it just too damn much STUFF in our lives.
And then G says, What do you want to do on your day off, because I haven’t planned anything….and I know I’m supposed to say, let’s go fishing, or let’s go hiking or let’s paint the house or let’s dig a new garden or let’s remodel the basement or something wonderfully productive when all I want to do is lie on my yoga mat and BREATHE. Just. Breathe. How do you explain that to someone who simply cannot sit still for longer than five minutes? I don’t think it’s possible. It’s like trying to translate Sanskrit into BTUs. It just doesn’t go.
So. That is my life for the last few weeks. Not to mention that we’re breaking 100+ year heat records and we’re having fires all over the place. It was 106 degrees here today and supposed to be hotter than that the next couple of days. When did I move to Phoenix??? I don’t feel like cooking, I don’t feel like writing. I am managing to get some exercise most days early in the morning, either biking or getting back into yoga and stretching which I have sorely missed also. I wish I could say I didn’t feel like eating, but of course, nothing gets in the way of that. Bring on the stretch pants!
I feel like an utter, ungrateful bitch to whine and complain like this. I have a damn-near perfect life and I know it. Trust me, I KNOW how good my life is. I don’t feel like I have any right to complain about anything, and yet here I am, blah, blah, blah. I’m starting to bore myself, so I’ll quit while I’m ahead. Somebody leave me a comment and give me some advice about how I can get myself out of this damn pit. I am tired of it!