As you know, I’ve been feeling really stuck for a while. As usual, when I get these feelings, an Abraham note will pop into my inbox and give me a lot (more) to think about. Today was no exception:
“Make more decisions in every day. Because a decision is a summoning of life. That’s why a little chaos is good for you, because often you don’t make a decision until you get yourself in a jam. And then, in the middle of the jam, you make a decision, but that decision summons Life Force. Have you ever been a place where you couldn’t quite make up your mind and you just felt sort of limp? “Oh, I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.” And then you decided, and you felt alive again. We want you to know that you’ll never get it done. So don’t approach this from, “I gotta get on this” because you’re not ever going to get it done, anyway. And the other thing we want you to know is, you cannot get it wrong. So, make a decision. Let it flow.”
See, that’s how I’ve been feeling, “Oh, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.” Spot on. Right there. It’s very frustrating for me, because I ALWAYS know. Where I am, who I am, what I’m doing, why I’m doing it. Now that’s all tossed up in the air. I’m chalking this up to puberty in reverse, aka menopause. Yeah, that’s my story and I’m sticking with it, but the other day I did something. I made a decision. I decided to wash my scarves. You probably don’t know this, but I am a scarf FREAK. I collect scarves like other women collect jewelry (which I don’t wear). I probably have nearly 100 scarves hanging on the back of our door, that have been there for a long time. So, I decided it was time to wash them. The magic of our new $800 washing machine is that it has a “hand wash” cycle, so I separated silk from non silk and got the lot washed. Now they’re hanging around drying in the basement. So now I have to put them back, but at least they’re clean. That was a good decision.
The other day, we went to run errands and I made a list. I said, we’re starting here, going here, here, here and here and then we will have made a big circle and all our errands will be done. And we did it. I made a decision to get my hair cut. I’ve decided to get myself a new swimsuit and a new punch card at the pool. I have decided to get my ass up in the wee morning hours and walk or bike (7 miles on the bike yesterday, 4 miles on foot today). We’ve had two blessed days of cool, cloudy weather and my brain has actually started to function again. It’s quite a feeling.
The thing is, I don’t have to make a decision about my job, or about anything big. Just make a decision. Any decision made for action well help get me out of this funk, even if it’s a decision to watch a movie on Netflix that I’ve been putting off because I think maybe G wouldn’t want to watch it. Maybe she won’t. But that doesn’t mean *I* can’t watch it if I want to, right?
I bought a couple of magazines the other day, a Sunset and a Vegetarian Times. I decided I needed some inspriation to get me cooking again, and it worked! I found a great recipe for a jalapeno escabeche, a canning recipe, and I think we’ll be making it tomorrow. It’s only 3 pints, so it won’t be a major undertaking. But it WAS a decision and it felt good.
Start deciding and see where it takes you!
Oh, and how do you like our new yard critter?? G found that the other day at Ross and we both knew immediately that she had to come home with us. Her name is Izzy.