I was all set to write a scathing post about health care here today. Had my facts, my bill, all my ducks in a row and ready to let fly and blast away at the system, the craziness of it, the impossibility of trying to find out how much things cost before the happen to you, all of it. But I’m not going to write that post. Why? Because last night, I spent some time in the car listening to Abraham again.
I got away from the listening. I get the post a day in my email, but over time, I’ve begun to just skim over those, shrug, and say “Whatever” and move on. (You do realize, don’t you, that when people say, “whatever,” they’re really just saying “Fuck you” in a polite fashion, right? It’s true.)
A while back, in the spirit of de-cluttering, I managed to get all my various Abraham CDs copied on to my computer, so I could release the CDs to new owners. Then, since our car has a USB port, I decided to further copy them all onto a memory stick, so I could listen to them in the car. Here’s an odd little fact–I have a very difficult time listening to the spoken word while I’m driving. I find it extremely distracting. Thus, I rarely listen to the radio, but only music either on CD or another USB drive that has a ton of CDs on it. However, I can listen to Abraham indefinitely and every word seems to sink in and nothing about their voice takes away from my attention to driving. It’s the strangest thing. I don’t know if it’s a particular quality of voice or what, but I find that I get the most from the Abraham CDs when I listen to them in the car.
E. had a game last night at a school about 25 miles away. G. was down with some kind of 24-hour bug, so she didn’t go. So, I popped in the Abraham USB and off I went. After the first few words, all I could think of was, why don’t I listen to this more often? Everything resonated. The discussion was about teenagers, about struggling upstream, about relaxing downstream, about getting yourself, yourself, yourSELF into alignment before you ever take a step, about listening, about not letting what anyone else thinks about anything else matter, especially if it makes you feel bad. It was about love, about NOW, about giving up the fear, about exhilaration and joy. Why is that so hard? Why? Why do we make it so damn difficult for ourselves? Because we do. Other people, circumstances, don’t it. WE do it. Each and every one of us make our own precious lives as difficult as we possibly can, when all we have to do is relax, let go of all the crap and BE HAPPY. Period. Just be. Happy. Just be.
So, I’m over all this crap. Circumstances haven’t changed. They aren’t going to change, at least not for the immediate future. But I’ve been letting other people get into my head. I’ve been allowing that. I’ve been letting other hands turn my boat upstream. I take responsibility for that, I’m not blaming them. They are acting how they need to act for themselves. Now I need to act how I need to for myself. I need to feel the things I feel. I need to reach for what makes me feel better, what makes me feel good and quit damn apologizing for it because what makes me feel better isn’t the same thing as what makes someone else feel better. I need to envision the future I want for myself and everyone I love, the peaceful, happy, joyful, fulfilled future. I’m not giving in to what society or anyone else says “must” be. Screw that. I don’t want that and I’m not going there. I’m taking it right out of my vibration.
I can’t get it wrong and I’m never going to be done no matter what I do. I am an eternal being and where I am right now on this journey is only the wink of an eye, but wherever it is, is just perfect. So I might as well have all the fun I can and let the whiners go off and do their own thing.
I just don’t have time for it anymore.