In the interest of cleaning, minimizing and sea changes, I’ve revised my list to 51 new things. Maybe I’ll add more later. Maybe not. If this list generates additional questions, there’s an “ask” tab. Use it.
1. There’s something missing from my life right now, and I’m having a hard time figuring out what it is.
2. But it’s not stopping me from carrying on.
3. I’m a sympathetic crier, but have a difficult time crying about anything sad/difficult going on in my life.
4. I love blogging.
5. There are times when I feel completely detached from everything in my life.
6. There is only one person I’ve ever known who has completely loved, understood, and accepted me in all ways.
7. I love humor but for the most part I hate sit-coms, mainly because most of them are not funny.
8. For a long time, I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t like sit-coms, then I realized.
9. Because most sit-coms revolve around kids and how kids make grown-ups look stupid and idiotic.
10. As you read this list, you will have insight into how my mind works.
11. I love words, everything about them, their history, their evolution, their sound, how they look on a page.
12. I will never own any kind of e-reader unless they outlaw paper books and even then I’d be more tempted to become a criminal.
13. When you ask people from other countries about their native foods, you will have amazing conversations and learn a lot.
14. I have an innate sense of direction and find GPS devices extremely confusing and disorienting.
15. I have recently been tempted to file bankruptcy even though I am not behind on my bills and have an excellent credit rating, just to get out from under paying over a third of my income to credit card companies.
16. All of this debt is quite old.
17. And most of it was incurred on behalf of my daughter.
18. Even paying the above every month, I still manage to live within my means with an occasional exception.
19. Most people would be very surprised at what my “means” really consist of.
20. I do not believe a broken system can be changed from within.
21. I do think it is possible to create a new system by turning away from the old one and not paying attention to nay-sayers.
22. Said system only has to work for the one who creates it in order to be successful.
23. I have never cared too much about what other people think of me. (Thank you, Mom!)
24. I really, really, Really, REALLY hate running. Really. There. I said it.
25. I haven’t spoken to anyone in my family; that is, siblings, for over three years, maybe longer.
26. This doesn’t bother me.
27. I don’t expect I will speak to them much ever again.
28. I could be wrong.
29. I don’t say that often, but feel it all the time.
30. In fact, sometimes, I feel like every decision I have ever made in my life has been wrong.
31. If reincarnation really happens, when I come back, I want to be better looking, thinner, and not as smart.
32. Or so fucking smart I invent something that makes me a billionaire and then who gives a shit what I look like.
33. Writing this new, revised list is not easy.
34. Sometimes I look at how people behave and wonder what it would feel like to be able to just do that shit.
35. I don’t normally use so many expletives, but who’s fucking counting, right?
36. I am seriously considering getting my TEFL certificate and going overseas to teach English.
37. I think I would be good at it. I would start with talking about food.
38. Then I’d like to get hold of the foreign doctors.
39. I dream in color and sometimes in scent.
40. G. really is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I give thanks for her every day.
41. I hate humidity. It makes me extremely cranky.
42. Of all the sensations one can name, my least favorite is “sticky”, which is why I hate humidity.
43. When life is humid, cornstarch is your friend.
44. I am fascinated by honeybees and ants.
45. I’m not sure I’ll get to 100 on this list.
46. I have never, ever, not once ever, wanted to be a parent.
47. Sometimes, it really hurts not to have those kinds of “normal” feelings, but then I think, maybe they’re not “normal”, but just feelings that everyone thinks they’re supposed to have and most people don’t, so they’ve yelled “normal” long enough to brainwash themselves.
48. It often feels like I live in the Hans Christian Andersen tale, “The Emperor’s New Clothes” and I’m the one screaming that the emperor is naked.
49. I think I would make a good spy, as long as I didn’t have to jump over walls and crap like that.
50. I love writing poetry, but it’s a lot harder than you think.
51. I enjoy doing jigsaw puzzles but right now don’t have a place I can leave one up long enough to do it.