Doldrums

First of all–new plug:  I am going to be having some posts at a new place, Our Big Gayborhood, aka “where the queers are”.  This is the brainchild of Lori Hahn, of “Hahn at Home” fame.  Go over and check us out when you have a moment, I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.

Now, has it only been a couple of days since my last post?  It feels forever.  This place seems very distant to me at the moment.  I actually had a weekend this last couple of days; I wasn’t flexing time or trying to put in extra time or figuring out how to manage around an upcoming VA trip to Denver.  It’s been cold and snowy here (see previous pics), and we managed to get to the grocery store minutes before it really started coming down.  We hadn’t actually been grocery shopping–real grocery shopping with a list and all–in weeks.  Normally I enjoy grocery shopping but we went yesterday before the game, and it was crowded, and we are now shopping at our local grocery store rather than the WalM@art Super center that I know like the back of my hand, and G was with me, so instead of the zen shopping experience I normally have, I was totally annoyed and ticked off the entire time.  However, we now have a lot of food in the house, so that is a good thing.  Also, G is spending most of this week house/cat sitting for some friends, so I will have some alone time here, which is even better.  Sometimes I just need to be home alone.

On the other hand, I made the mistake of getting on the Wii Fit and nearly died when I saw my weight.  Truly, I am at the zenith of my poundage.  I made a vow to go no further and make a concerted effort to reverse this trend.  I actually started another blog pretty much devoted to rants about weight, size, etc. but I’m not ready to share it yet.  I think I’ve spent a lot of time in denial about these issues–not that they were issues, but that I was in any way bothered by them–so I think I’m going to have to really do some soul work around this weight/body image thing.  The up side is that I followed the recommended work out with very little trouble.  I’ve also decided to use the resources we have, namely FitTV, that has just about every kind of work out one could want for the price of DirectTV.  I have the bike set up on the trainer in the garage and I’ve been using that.  I’m up to about 25 mins at a pretty good clip.  Thank God for The Traveling Wilburys!!

The main thing I have to get a handle on is mindful eating.  Not just putting something in my mouth because there’s nothing else to do.  Which I do a lot, especially at night.  I have to say, even though sedentary, my job discourages me from snacking because it’s impossible to type and eat at the same time, so that’s a real positive.  The awful thing is that I just plain love to eat.  I think I have done enough work to realize that much of my “extra” eating isn’t really wrapped around emotional trauma or past stuff, it’s just 1) a habit, and 2) I love food.

For example, last night I was watching a movie.  G was at her appointed duties, and I had made dinner (spaghetti with home-made sauce from last year’s garden) and had one reasonable portion.  I wasn’t hungry.  However, I started to think about some of the things we had bought at the store and I just wanted to eat them.  I wanted to fix myself a plate full of snacks and chow down, regardless of what my body was saying (which was that I wasn’t hungry, having just eaten within the last 2 hours).  I resisted.  It wasn’t so difficult because I spent some time thinking about the reasons behind wanting to eat, which had little to do with hunger.  I ended up staying up late and then I DID get hungry, but instead of some kind of high-fat creamy or cruchy or salty thing, I had a few raw almonds and a couple of dates.  Dates are my saviours.  They are sweet and sticky and rich, so 1 or 2 does the trick when I want that dessert “mouth feel”.

We leave for Australia in less than 90 days.  I would like to be down about 15 pounds by then and have increased my fitness as well.  We plan to do a  lot of walking and I don’t want to be bringing up the rear huffing and puffing all the way.

So, now it’s public.  The word is out.  I am really going to put some effort into getting my eating under control and upping the calorie burning.  The good thing is that I know how to eat well and I like to cook that way.  Any tips, tricks, suggestions and encouragement are welcome!  I’ll probably never be skinny (nor want to) but I can surely be skinni-ER.

Off to Wii…

GG

The Potential of Unblemished Snow

I know many of you no longer appreciate the beauty of a morning snowfall, but we haven’t had that much here and even when we do get it, it doesn’t last very long.  The other morning, I managed to get these:

I mainly went out because the mail carrier had left the gate open the night before:

And, looking back, the house just looked so warm and cozy:

Then of course I got to wondering what the coming season’s garden is going to look like under this blank palette of snow:

The garden bug is growing and we’re both starting to itch…

GG

Good Day

Today was a good day.  I slept in, with very odd dreams between 4-something a.m. and 7-ish when I got up (that’s sleeping in for me).  The sun was up and the sky was Colorado blue.  I made breakfast crescent rolls (yes, Pillsbury), some with ham and cheese, some with cinnamon/sugar.  Coffee.  Birdwatching.  I rambled downstairs in my own time to work.  The work was steady and the dictators were clear.  We decided to go see “It’s Complicated” at the first Monday matinee.  I love first Monday matinees, because usually you pretty much have the theater to yourself.  We did; there were maybe 6 other people.  We laughed.  A lot.  Got home in time to take the dog for a walk in the afternoon sun, then a glass of wine and catalog looking together in the hot tub till the sun was gone.  After that, a nice Mexican dinner and home to finish booking all our stuff for the trip–flight from Denver to LAX out and back, hotel in LA, etc.  Ordered seeds–heirloom tomato variety, turnip greens (not roots), sweet potatoes and dinosaur (Lacinato) kale, plus pay the mortgage and our Lowe’s bill online.

I didn’t fold the laundry and I didn’t make bread as I’d planned, but we will get to that another day.  For now, I’m warm, full and loved.  Truly, is there anything better?

GG

Wanting/Not Wanting

I’ve reached an odd place in my life.  I’ve reached a point where I don’t really want anything.  I don’t like to shop.  I don’t particularly care about getting new clothes or shoes or any shiny accessories.  I like my quiet life, not leaving the house unless I must or if I really want to; that word again.  All of my basic needs are taken care of, and I guess I must be fairly low maintenance because that seems a gracious plenty to me.

I love to read, but I don’t care to buy books–I’d rather patronize the library.  I do love to go to the movies, but if I miss a movie in the theater, I know I’ll be able to catch it on Netflix.  I can even catch up on TV episodes I miss on Hulu or the actual network website.  And if I don’t catch up, well, big deal.  Sometimes I try to “assess” myself to determine if I might be depressed or something, but I don’t think that I am, I just have a low satisfaction quotient, I guess.  I have a simple life and I’m happy with it.  Why should I want any more?

G asked me to help her with some of her financial stuff today; that is, she had added up her income vs. her outflow for the month and was appalled at how much money she had “blown” (her terms, not mine).  For the record, she makes over twice as much money on disability than I do working every day, plus she doesn’t pay taxes.  But dealing with any kind of money freaks her out.  I mean, getting teary-eyed and cold-sweat kind of freaked out.  The first of the month (when she gets paid) is a tense time for her, because she’s so paranoid that she’ll forget to pay something and “get in trouble”.  The good thing is that since we’ve been together, both of our various bills have dwindled significantly.  Which is a good thing.

But back to wanting/not wanting.  One of the things she is stressing over is this upcoming trip.  She’s worried about putting the credit cards back up.  I keep trying to tell her that we will be able to use our debit cards in Australia which would be the best thing anyway, since the fees are less. Then she worries that we(I) won’t have enough money. I also keep telling her that we’re probably not going to bring anything back that can’t fit in a carry-on.  I don’t travel in order to shop.  I don’t LIKE to shop.  There’s no THING in Australia I want.  But I do want to experience the place, to see it, to take some good pictures, to eat some good food, meet the people, walk in the streets, etc. and to share all of that with her. I am not about souvenirs you have to carry, but about the memories that never fade and are more priceless than any trinket.

I have so much already.  Most everything more that I want in my life is something to DO, not something to HAVE.

What I REALLY want is not to have to work full time for the rest of my life, but unfortunately, the basic expenses of life go on and I have to keep up with those, so work it is.  And, after all, it could be way worse, so I am grateful for that as well.

Seriously Manic

This is how I have felt all day long.  I have sat here and typed, sat here and typed, and sat here and typed and only become angrier and more frustrated and totally weirded out.  No, this is not a psychotic break.  I am about to go upstairs and go out for a nice steak dinner which I am going to thoroughly enjoy and probably come back and watch “Numb3rs” which is one of my favorite shows and all will be well.  But work today has just put me in a TIZZY.  To elucidate, my dear Watsons:

“The patient will flop splaying”

“Tina synovitis”

And more that are even so bizarre it’s not even worth putting here.  The first one is dear ol’ Dr. Mumbles’ way of saying “The patient will go home from the hospital today.”  Yeah, really.  That’s how the speech “recognition” software translates his mush-mouthing of every word.  Seriously, you would think this guy was in a ventriloquist competition or something, like he can’t move his lips when he talks.

I was a drama major, okay?  I spent MONTHS of my life standing in front of mirrors with wine corks jammed in between my molars, reciting fucking Shakespeare, people. Speaking clearly is easy!  JUST MOVE YOUR LIPS when you talk.  It’s not asking a lot, I don’t think.  It can be done, even by over-educated, under-caring doctors.

“Tenosynovitis” is “the inflammation of a tendon and its enveloping sheath” according to Stedman’s medical dictionary.  It is NOT, I repeat, NOT someone’s name.  “Hi, my name is Tina, Tina Synovitis.”  Good GOD.

On the other hand, there is a particular surgical instrument called a “Kerrison rongeur” which is slowly becoming a very suave, yet evil, doctor character in a book I probably need to write one day.  Or maybe he’s a spy.  Yeah, that’s the ticket…a sociopathic spy who blames all of his woes and troubles on his late mother and father who named him after this:

Can’t you hear him being paged in an airport: “Dr. Rongeur, Dr. Kerrison Rongeur, please pick up a white courtesy phone!” Oh, the possibilities!

It’s going to be a GREAT weekend!

Have fun, guys….

GG

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Oh, Yeah, Uh-Huh, Yummmm

Today while I was working my little fingers to the bone, I realized that I was thinking a lot about pizza.  But not just any kind of pizza.  I had several ingredients in mind that aren’t always at your local pizza delivery place.  Plus, I had seen a recipe for pizza dough in one of my favorite cookbooks:

and I was eager to try it.  I’ve had this cookbook for years, thanks to a wonderful friend, but I hadn’t ever tried the dough.  So, after I got done working, I went upstairs and put it together.  It was a very quick, easy to mix dough, rose in about 45 minutes, and rolled out well.  I stuck our round pan in the oven to get it hot, lay the rolled out dough on it and spread it with some softened pesto that I made from last summer’s basil.  This was topped with chopped Kalamata olives, sun-dried tomato strips, artichoke hearts and a generous amount of mozzarella. I wasn’t sure how it would cook with the oven at the suggested 500 degrees, but it didn’t burn, even though it did set off the smoke alarm (more from the heat, I think–I didn’t see smoke).  And the finished product was EXACTLY what I wanted:

No leftovers to worry about tonight…

I love it when a plan comes together!

Have a great weekend!

I Wonder

So, while I sit here waiting for work to load (2nd time with no work today), I thought I would indulge in a little day dreaming.  Sometimes, when I’m slogging away in my regular life, there’s a piece of my mind that wanders off on its own.  I’ve always been like that.  I can frequently think about several things at once, even when I’m focused on doing just one thing.

Today, I would like to think about what I would do if I didn’t have to work. I really can’t imagine what it would be like.  It seems like I’ve worked ever since I was born.  I have no “retirement”, so it’s unlikely that I will ever completely stop working.  I don’t really think about it in a serious fashion because it just seems like such an elusive dream.  What would I do, really, if day after day after day, I didn’t have to get up and do something to earn my keep?  Would I begin to indulge in hobbies or creative pursuits?  Or would I just find myself in front of the TV, overdosing on HGTV re-runs and thinking about paint swatches?

I probably would do just that for maybe the first 6 months. I think I’d have to overdose on not working in order to fully realize what was going on.  I know this would drive G crazy.  I can envision how she would be if I were not working–she would have all these plans of home remodeling, painting, moving, re-organizing, garage re-fixing, sawing, hammering, sanding, you name it.  She would be like Ty Pennington on speed (scary) with the thought of a full-time pair of hands to assist her in various home, garden and yard projects.

Sadly, the above could not be further from my mind as an ideal way to “retire”. In fact, if I KNEW the choice would be to keep working vs. a steady stream of “home improvement” projects ad infinitum until death, I’ll just keep working, thank you.

So what would I do?  First of all, I would sleep until I woke up naturally every day. Since I wake up naturally before the sun comes up, not much would change there.  I would still have coffee like I always do, but I would take my cup and wander around the yard, noting the subtle changes in light and shadow as the sun began to come up. I would stay out as long as I wanted to, whether it was warm or cold.  I would spend more time breathing and stretching in the meditation garden.  I might even light a morning fire and enjoy the smell of wood smoke before breakfast.

I would fix breakfast.  I fix breakfast anyway, but I would enjoy it as a real “sit-down” meal and not something to be got through before heading downstairs.  I might enjoy it on the back porch or the front porch, depending on the weather.

I would walk.  I would like to take long, leisurely walks around the neighborhood without having to worry about being back at any particular time.  I would also carry my phone in case I ended up somewhere that G might like to join me, or if I didn’t feel like walking all the way back home.

I would ride the bus.  I often tell myself that on the work day that I have off, I need to take the bus near my house and just ride it to the transfer point, and see where I can go in town without a car.  Then, I start having all the “day off” stuff fall in on me, and I don’t do it.  With nothing pressing, I think I would ride the bus a lot and go places in town that I have been wanting to go.

I would read at the library.  I use the library a lot, but it’s almost always an in and out trip.  I’d like to sit at the library for an entire day, reading, and moving from place to place.  Our library is a beautiful building full of light from every direction.  It would be nice to experience it as the sun moves through the day.

I would write.  But not on a computer.  I would return to my hand-written journal, the one I can carry with me.  I would re-learn how to sit by a stream or in a park and paint word pictures that could carry me back to those specific places whenever I wanted to go.  Along with this, I would have to practice my penmanship, as otherwise, I would never be able to access what I wrote due to illegibility.

I might paint.  I’ve thought about it often.  I have no formal training, but I’d like to spend some time playing with paint and color and various textures and shapes.

I would cook.  No reason to mess up a good thing, right?

I would spend more time in the garden.  Really.  I talked to G about this a couple of weeks ago.  I told her that I really did want to spend more time working in the garden this year, but I had to be able to do it on my terms.  Our “garden styles” are so different, and I allow myself to feel judged and monitored while I’m out there if she is out there, too.  Fortunately, she understood what I was talking about.  I am a garden “meanderer”.  G. is a force of nature.  I like to sit in the garden, pull a few weeds, look at the roly-polys, notice the bees, look around for the lizards, check out the new shoots on the trees, etc.  G is all about how many garbage cans she can fill up with detritus and weeds.  I can’t be in competition with her, and I don’t expect her to slow down to my style.  But for me, the garden is an escape from the inside.  I simply can’t treat it as another “job” or it will lose its appeal completely.

So, in short, there’s no chance of me being bored or lacking for things to do should I find myself in the happy position of not earning a living. I have a long list of “playing” that I’d be happy to do if I didn’t have to work all day.  Will I ever have the chance?

The universe works in mysterious ways, that’s all I know.

Planning A Trip

As you know, we are going to Australia! This will be in May, and it’s going to commemorate the 10th anniversary of my meeting 2 very good friends who live there.  The first is my friend Margaret Rainbow Web, who I “met” serendipitously on the Web when I was following Michael Flatley around the globe (long, long story, probably never to be published).  Suffice to say that I became dear friends with this amazing woman who I have never met, and now I will have a chance to meet her in person, and I am completely thrilled about that.  Adelaide is also wine country, and maybe we’ll get to check out a few vineyards.

And of course, we will be visiting Danny, who has come to the US twice to see me (once when Meeps was alive and once here in CO), so it’s time for us to visit him.  He and his wife just moved from the Gove peninsula in the far north to the Glasshouse Mountain region north of Brisbane.  Apparently, their new house is about 8 miles from Steve Irwin’s zoo, so we will definitely check that out.

So, the flights are booked, at least from LA to Brisbane, the big part.  We’ll get our “hop” from here to LA and back.  I also hope to see a couple of old friends living in the LA area, at least maybe for a quick dinner before we head further west.

G is over the moon.  This will be the first “big” trip we’ve taken together aside from flying to Atlanta and driving there when my mom died.  This is a place that neither one of us has ever been before, so it will be a complete adventure.  We’ve got a big map of Australia that needs to go up, and we’re both combing the ‘Net for things to see, ways to get around, etc.  We would love to take a train from Brisbane to Adelaide, so if anyone has had experience with that, please share your knowledge!

At first, we had also wanted to add a trip to Uluru into the mix, as it is THE heart of aboriginal Australia, but with only 2 weeks of time and the distances involved, we have decided to place that into the hands of the travel gods.  If something puts itself in our path to take us there, we’ll go, but we’re not planning it right now.  However, I know how these things tend to work out, so I’m not discounting it either.

I have gone into my pre-trip mode of seeming not very excited about the whole thing.  I do this so as not to put a huge amount of expectations onto this.  Not that I don’t want to have a great time, I do.  I just know that you are so focused on expecting things in one direction that sometimes you miss an opportunity to have a perfectly wonderful experience because it slips by under your radar, or you say, no, not that, it’s not what I expected. I think when you travel the UNexpected is exactly what you want, right? I mean, not in the “oh the flight is delayed for 12 hours” unexpected, but like wandering off the main tourist routes and finding something novel and incredible just a few steps away.  That’s my travel philosophy anyway.

On a side note, work is completely dead today, which I why I’m writing this now.  Started strong and then petered right out.  I’ve had 2 reports in the last hour.  At 3 cents a line, things aren’t looking great.  I had sent my resume to another company and they seemed to express a little interest, but then nothing.  Ah, well.  Life is life and tomorrow is another day, Scarlett!

Please feel free to share your experiences of travel to Australia.  You know I love hearing from you!

Happy Weekend!

GG

It’s Official

The flights are booked for Australia!

More to follow…
GG